There are times when I write, I’m not able to look back upon the finished product of my poetry. It comes just as fast as a shooting star in a twilight-lit sky. As soon as my pen brushes the blank canvas, I am in another world. Writing as if time is racing against me, to finish the lines I write, before it’s too late.
There are times I don’t want to read that painful thought or emotion, story or confession, for I feel it is more than I can bare.
So I just turn the page. I’ll take that chance of misspellings and errors. Of not clearly getting my point across with everything that is bubbling up inside of my soul. Sometimes I turn that page so fast that, I secretly wish for it to be forgotten. For all of this to be just a dream. A writer stuck within a nightmare.
In a dark hole I hide.
Reliving all my past memories.
Ones that were once a beautiful artwork
Upon my artists brush.
To now a decaying ash
All much too painful to revisit.
I’m digging a hole to bury
Everything that I still hold inside.
Creating as much noise within my heart as I can
To silence all of these demons.
How my heart weeps!
I am now mourning the life of a girl I once knew.
One that is now no longer recognizable .
A heart that no longer beats as I faintly breathe.
Oh! How I am ashamed!
Such a long time to exist as something you once knew.
And now it’s all a distant blur of a memory.
Now I am unable to see through my pain filled eyes.
All of my hard work which I thought I was building into dreams…
To crumble in a moments time..
To have it all end in such utter quietness.
No way to say, “I’m sorry…”
I suppose that is God’s way of saying
“You were just not good enough.”
I gave 10 years of my life,
Of blood, sweat and tears.
All the best parts of me that I had left inside,
(Which wasn’t much to start with)
Had somehow deteriorated into ,
Absolutely nothing in this harsh world.
Now all my days are spent,
Just hoping and praying and wishing,
That I will fall deeper and deeper into nothingness.
All these prayers of hopeless wishes,
Are all just turning up scorned,
Upon my creators ear.
Please forsake me….