Dante’s Inferno

There is so much death in here-
My body that is…
I breathe in these decomposed fumes,
Exhale my life’s rotting ashes,
Yet somehow…
I’m still here.

It’s dumbfounding, you see…
How a stagnant body can go on,
How it continues to live,
Inside a nonexistent life…
A life I don’t want,
Nor is it one,
That I asked for…

-I’m screaming in tortured vain.-

I get up,
To suffer…
I go to bed,
To suffer more.
Confined in night terrors,
Dying over and over,
To repeat the same thing,
When I awake.

I’m dead inside this skin.
Which is suffocating tightly,
Covered in charcoaled brimstone,
Screaming in a voiceless agony.

It’s a never ending loop.
And I can’t help but think…
I must have died some time;
Long ago.

I’m left now in a void,
Where only demons dwell.

(Dear God,
Save me from this pit,
Forgive me of my sins,
Release me from this blazing hell.)

For, now I fear,
I’m just left over pieces-
A troubled soul;
Gone wrong.
Yesterdays fragmented ashes,
Of a girl I once knew,
Who is now stuck in a eternal funeral pyre.
-Burning away-
Destined to repeat a never ending story,
Which has imprisoned me inside my own-
Dante’s Inferno.

(Written in a fever of anguish.)

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The Soul Of A Dead Flower

 

“This head is bowed,
I’m at an all time low,
And my daisy’s bloom;
Is in droop.”

-Reflections of my heart’s,
Weeping willow.

 

It’s the weight of the world,
Carried upon this tired back,
That in turn,
Has crushed all of my leaves.

For these roots crawl,
Within this tainted soil;
Making everyday,
So much harder to breathe.

How this disease, has wrapped it’s sorrow,
Along the edges of my fragile neck.
And stemming inside, these poisoned-filled veins,
Are piercing thorns, that tighten their grip.

Oh!- How these weeds do strangle,
Upon the tiredness of my soul,
And I desperately plead to be forgiven,
As I longingly pray, to be let go.

And as I stretch these petals above,
Onto these endless, and unforgiving skies,
These elongated leaves, start yearning-
An unquenched thirst; reflected inside hungry eyes.

So may the Gods above in heaven,
Take their reapers scythe to me,
And harvest these remaining seeds,
That are all but left, inside of me.

Because even the well of this heartache,
That’s been poured from leftover tears…
This garden inside of me, kept dying.
Even with tending, after so many years.

 

“Depression,
Is a lonely, forgotten bouquet-
Plucked whole.”

-An unarranged life.

(The crazy quotes, on top and bottom, I made up in the last minute. They just seemed to fit, in a strange kind of way….)

Depression creeps up on you quietly.

Words seem to be at a standstill for the moment. Caught just between my heart and my mind. For all of those out there who may suffer….

You are not alone.

 

Depression creeps up on you quietly.

“At the very beginning, you start to struggle with a lot of things, but…you usually just ignore them.

It’s like a headache. You tell yourself that it’s just temporary and that it will pass. It’s just another bad day.

But, it’s not…..

You’re stuck in this state of mind and you get used to putting on a social mask and you continue to live among other people, because it’s what you have to do. It’s what others do.

However, the problem does not go away. You struggle to put on a play everyday and it starts to cost you more and more. That is where you fall even deeper and that’s when you start to slowly back away from friends and family. Sometimes completely shutting them out.

All satisfaction is gone. Little things that used to bring you joy, are now worthless. Even the simplest tasks become painful and that is where you lack motivation now. Why would you keep on trying of nothing makes you happy anyway?

All of this makes you feel even worse and then you get caught up in a vicious circle.

Suddenly you find yourself living in slow motion. Days become indistinguishable. It’s just white noise….. it’s just heaviness filling your mind and spilling all over your body. You feel as though you will never be happy again.

You continue to back away and destroy relationships. You’re wishing for everything you’ve done and everything you haven’t . There is a part of you that wants to make things right. A sudden positive upsurge makes you want to go out and meet people but, it’s all very short lived. Because you know it won’t work anyway.

And so in the end, you choose to be alone in your comfort zone, where no one asks any questions.

Low self esteem and a lack of purpose become unbearable. You finally realize you can’t go on that way and two things can happen…

You either decide to get some help…..

Or you might attempt a suicide.”

-Kat Napiorkowka

 

 

 

Dana-Christine Umanetz

The darkness is death – we can speak, but we are not heard. We can scream but they turn their backs. We can run, but we cannot catch them. It is the dream where arms and legs won’t work the way they should, and the air is too thick to breathe. Loved ones walk a mile ahead, forgetting to stop as we fall behind. This is the reality of the darkness. We are buried alive inside ourselves.

~ Dana-Christine Umanetz