Suicides Door

“When one door closes,
Another one opens.”

But,
No one ever said,
That when the hallways got too dark,
-Creating spinning labyrinths,
Inside the dark corridors of your mind-
That sorrows pain,
Will reach for any door…
Upon any threshold…
Flickering just one ounce,
Of any God given light.

 

door

 

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The Watcher

My Love,
I’m watching you-
Always.
You may not know it,
But…
I’m always there.

I watch you drink yourself into oblivion,
Fervently washing all your sorrows-
Away.
You may not know it-
But…
I’m always there;
To refill your bottomless cup.

I watch you as you take your sleeping pills,
So you won’t have to feel your pathetic life.
You may not know it-
But…
I’m always there;
Sleeping right next to you,
Staring at your tear dropped eyes,
Waiting patiently;
In the darkened shadows.

I watch you with your inner struggles;
How you desperately push all hopeless thoughts away.
You may not know it-
But…
I’m always there;
To push those sorrowful thoughts;
Right back.

I watch you when you softly cut your pretty skin;
Releasing all your bleeding hurt away.
You may not know it-
But…
I’m always there;
To catch your blood, as it falls.
My razor sharp tongue,
Licks at all of your lovely wounds.

You see…
I’m never too far away.
Because, the thing about depression is…
It demands to be felt.
And one way or another,
I will always get my way.

My Love,
I’m watching you-
Always.
You may not know it,
But….
I’m always there…
Right until the very end.

Dante’s Inferno

There is so much death in here-
My body that is…
I breathe in these decomposed fumes,
Exhale my life’s rotting ashes,
Yet somehow…
I’m still here.

It’s dumbfounding, you see…
How a stagnant body can go on,
How it continues to live,
Inside a nonexistent life…
A life I don’t want,
Nor is it one,
That I asked for…

-I’m screaming in tortured vain.-

I get up,
To suffer…
I go to bed,
To suffer more.
Confined in night terrors,
Dying over and over,
To repeat the same thing,
When I awake.

I’m dead inside this skin.
Which is suffocating tightly,
Covered in charcoaled brimstone,
Screaming in a voiceless agony.

It’s a never ending loop.
And I can’t help but think…
I must have died some time;
Long ago.

I’m left now in a void,
Where only demons dwell.

(Dear God,
Save me from this pit,
Forgive me of my sins,
Release me from this blazing hell.)

For, now I fear,
I’m just left over pieces-
A troubled soul;
Gone wrong.
Yesterdays fragmented ashes,
Of a girl I once knew,
Who is now stuck in a eternal funeral pyre.
-Burning away-
Destined to repeat a never ending story,
Which has imprisoned me inside my own-
Dante’s Inferno.

(Written in a fever of anguish.)

Train Of Suicidal Thoughts

 

I sometimes sit and ponder,

For all the lost souls whom left this world too soon.

Did they see something we could not?

A truth of which, once upon learning,

They can never fully turn their backs upon again?

 

Or was their path to move forward so destroyed,

That life, as they knew it, was too unbearable to see?

Did they finally realize that love, meaning and acceptance,

In a world that can be so cruel,

Is only an existence made for hopeless wishes and child-like dreamers.

 

Maybe it is something so simple as…

 

A decision to just go ahead and redeem their train ticket,

And to get off this ride before everyone else in this world did.

As if they knew of the wreckage that was awaiting beyond those tracks…

A sort of prophesy, with no reprieve in sight, for the weary traveler’s soul.

 

Such a simple, yet challenging choice, for someone to take that difficult exit.

The one we keep locked away in the far dark corners of our minds.

I think some of us just choose to end it all before,

Everyone around them can witness their very own crash and burn.

 

Because let’s face it…

 

Life is nothing but a train wreck.

We’re all mostly just waiting for it to happen.

So should we punch in our life’s ticket?

Or take the choice to see how far we can go…